How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

The New “Gravity Falls” Show by Disney Features a Gnome Barfing Rainbows (WTF?)

Chuck — Sun, 13 May 2012 23:30:43 +0000

I’m not sure about this one. It’s tough to tell as of right now whether the show “Gravity Kills” is pro- or anti-gnome. (But let’s face it. We can’t trust Disney after they release that awful whitewash of a film called GNOMEO & JULIET.) I happened to walk by a TV when a trailer for the new TV show “Gravity Kills” was on, and there was nothing much notable until they showed a clear image of a gnome puking a rainbow with all his might.

Now let’s be clear here. Gnomes do not puke rainbows. In fact, there is no evidence they puke at all. This sounds like more Disney mischief to get us to like gnomes.

Gnomes do not puke rainbows.

(** Never leave comments on this blog. It gets way too much spam — and that’s what the gnomes want!. To communicate with me, find me on Facebook or on Twitter at @chucksambuchino. To learn about me, my books, or my writing/editing business, visit chucksambuchino.com.)

A Musical Class in Canada Actually Dresses Like Garden Gnomes

Chuck — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 03:34:19 +0000

I saw on Twitter that a musical class in Canada (high school students, I think) actually dressed up like garden gnome in band class. Do you have any idea how dangerous this is — to actually taunt gnomes? Hundreds have been killed this way. We already discussed the dangers of dressing up like a gnome for Halloween. Do not do this! It’s like stepping between a momma bear and her cubs — the scenario will not end well.

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist..."

Howie Mandel Terrified of Gnome Performers on “America’s Got Talent”

Chuck — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 23:17:45 +0000

So … recently “America’s Got Talent” (pre-Howard Stern) was treated to an act where several dancers came out as, I kid you not, lip-syncing garden gnomes. See the picture below for proof. It’s just plain batty. The gnomes, who were no doubt concealing weapons inside those fat, bulbous costumes, were not the hit of the day. Piers Morgan trashed the act for being stupid.

More importantly, judge Howie Mandel said the following of the act: “I’m gonna be honest with you. This thing — you scare me. From the time I’ve been a little kid … I don’t really like the furry walk-around things.”

Let’s all thank Howie for his honesty and bravery in the matter!

The horror has gone mainstream.

Instructional Video: How to Gnome-Proof Your Office (and Save Your Own Life)

admin — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 18:48:23 +0000

Recently, I recorded a life-saving video about how to gnome-proof your office. Watch it below.

** Never leave comments on this blog. It gets way too much spam. To communicate with me, find me on Facebook or on Twitter at @chucksambuchino.

Garden Gnomes Among Items Found at HP Lovecraft’s Grave

admin — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 18:41:52 +0000

Oh no.

Poor H.P. Lovecraft!

I just saw on The Lovecraftsman website that a small percentage of items left on HP’s graves were, in fact, gnomes.

Granted, it was just a small percentage and not some kind of small armada or gnome army. But this news is disturbing nonetheless.

Protect yourself. Keep your guns well oiled and loaded.

** Never leave comments on this blog. It gets way too much spam — and that’s what the gnomes want!. To communicate with me, find me on Facebook or on Twitter at @chucksambuchino. To learn about me, my books, or my writing/editing business, visit chucksambuchino.com.

GNOMEO & JULIET Must Be Stopped

admin — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:27:11 +0000

This is what insanity looks like. Study it well.

Not a day passes without some kind buddy or Facebook friend telling me about this movie, have I heard of it? — it’s called Gnomeo & Juliet.

Yes, I have heard of it. And this movie must be stopped. I’m thinking possibly mass organized protests …? Too much? OK, let’s slow down a bit. How do we derail this dangerous movie? I’m open to suggestions. Yes, I said dangerous. This movie will lead kids to believe that gnomes are simply harmless backyard ornaments, when, as we all know, they are vicious mauling instruments of death and carnage. It’s all part of their vast PR campaign that began with “The Amazing Race” and that awful roaming gnome (who must die, btw).

Just check out this picture on the right here, that some poor soul saw on the subway. If you touched the poster, some gnome would probably pop out of it and cut your hand off. I’M NOT JOKING.

VIDEO: Utah State University Expert On Eradicating “Invasive” Garden Gnomes

admin — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 17:31:44 +0000

Gnome Halloween Costumes Are Out of Control!!

admin — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 17:26:24 +0000

Our society is out of control!!

Whole families brainwashed!

Credit: tinyurl.com/2626fjj

Gnome Attack Book Trailer Shows the Very Real Carnage of Gnomes

admin — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 16:41:36 +0000

An Evil Gnome (@gnomevicious) is Now on Twitter!

admin — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 16:35:32 +0000

GNOMEVICIOUS is now on Twitter and he openly talks of his plans to dominate the world.

Well well well. It appears my nemesis, known only as GNOMEVICIOUS, is now tweeting on Twitter. While I try to educate people on the dangers of garden gnomes and the chaos they bring — through my own Twitter account (@chucksambuchino) — this monster of mayhem is now openly threatening people through social networking. It’s madness, I tell you, madness. Follow him if you dare.