How to Survive a
Garden Gnome Attack

Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)

Close Encounters of the Gnome Kind

I began thinking about the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind recently, and got to thinking about a new system should be created of close encounters with gnomes. So I took the liberty of composing said list for public consumption. Here it is:


An indoor close encounter of the third kind would look like this just before you are maimed.

The First Kind

Observation of gnome evidence or shenanigans, such as footprints in the mud, frightened animals, or moved wheelbarrows. Typical evidence indoors includes the smell of pipe smoke or observation of gnome whiskers (hair from a beard).

The Second Kind

Sighting of an animate gnome. This means you’ve seen a gnome in motion — actually walking around. They know better then to move when humans are watching, so you likely surprised them.

The Third Kind


(** Never leave comments on this blog. It gets way too much spam — and that’s what the gnomes want!. To communicate with me, find me on Facebook or on Twitter at @chucksambuchino. To learn about me, my books, or my writing/editing business, visit

Posted in Uncategorized.

Add a comment

No Replies

Feel free to leave a reply using the form below!

Leave a Reply