How to Survive a
Garden Gnome Attack

Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)

Montana Police Finds 10 “Stolen” Gnomes Lurking on Popular Hiking Trail

Multiple gnomes constitute a "hoard." Some defense techniques to combat multiple gnomes include: 1) using furniture as a shield, 2) using dead gnomes as projectiles, and 3) using the best weapons, including snow shovels or a hose

Here’s some disturbing news out of Big Sky Country. Park officials have reported that they came across 10 unclaimed and highly dangerous gnomes prowling around a Mount Helen path. (See an Associated Press article about it here.)

There are all kind of bad things regarding this. As I discuss at length in How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack, multiple gnomes constitutes a “hoard,” and a hoard is much harder to repel or fight than, say, a single warrior. The gnomes are thought to be stolen from a garden, but doesn’t it strike you as odd that no residents have claimed yet? Methinks they are rogue warriors who had a plan to dismember a few hikers, but they were discovered by law enforcement just in time.

This just goes to show you that you can never be too careful. Even when hiking with family members, gnome attacks lurk around every corner.

(** Never leave comments on this blog. It gets way too much spam — and that’s what the gnomes want!. To communicate with me, find me on Facebook or on Twitter at @chucksambuchino. To learn about me, my books, or my writing/editing business, visit

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