How to Survive a
Garden Gnome Attack

Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)

GNOMEO & JULIET Must Be Stopped

This is what insanity looks like. Study it well.

Not a day passes without some kind buddy or Facebook friend telling me about this movie, have I heard of it? — it’s called Gnomeo & Juliet.

Yes, I have heard of it. And this movie must be stopped. I’m thinking possibly mass organized protests …? Too much? OK, let’s slow down a bit. How do we derail this dangerous movie? I’m open to suggestions. Yes, I said dangerous. This movie will lead kids to believe that gnomes are simply harmless backyard ornaments, when, as we all know, they are vicious mauling instruments of death and carnage. It’s all part of their vast PR campaign that began with “The Amazing Race” and that awful roaming gnome (who must die, btw).

Just check out this picture on the right here, that some poor soul saw on the subway. If you touched the poster, some gnome would probably pop out of it and cut your hand off. I’M NOT JOKING.

(** Never leave comments on this blog. It gets way too much spam — and that’s what the gnomes want!. To communicate with me, find me on Facebook or on Twitter at @chucksambuchino. To learn about me, my books, or my writing/editing business, visit

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