Welcome to the official site and blog for HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK, a survival guide that will save not only your life, but the lives of your children and loved ones. Congratulations on taking this important step toward safety and a gnome-free life.
In 2009 alone, there were 987 attacks recorded by the Gnome Attacks Hotline based out of Berlin, Germany. Don’t bother asking your local authorities about these attack–they can’t corral the data like we can. The fact is that if the public knew about how many gnomeowners are mauled and attacked each year by their own statues, the public would erupt into mass chaos.